Article in The Atlantic: Confessions of an Egg Donor

Article in The Atlantic: Confessions of an Egg Donor

Joined: January 15th, 2008, 1:22 am

April 9th, 2012, 4:45 pm #1

I found this April 4th article equally riveting and blood boiling. She seems to have a deep seated anger toward egg donation, and to the women specifically who are the recipients. I wonder how she would feel if she hadn't found out her problem with genetics, and the impact it may have on her own fertility.

Curious to hear your thoughts on this article. It is long, but I wasn't able to put it down.

Here is the link:

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archi ... gs/253625/

Baby Blessings,
Jordee




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Joined: July 25th, 2011, 4:15 pm

April 9th, 2012, 5:13 pm #2

but I got angry at the reference to "my genetic make-up was similar enough to the eggless mother" to stop reading for now. I'll probably go back and finish, but somehow that "eggless mother" comment just made me want to go punch her in the nose!
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Joined: March 25th, 2008, 8:46 pm

April 9th, 2012, 5:16 pm #3

UGH! I am not done either but she is making me sick. And for flip's sake, I've never bought a purse that cost over $50, much less $8000. This woman should be writing for the Weekly World News.
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Joined: March 25th, 2008, 8:46 pm

April 9th, 2012, 5:27 pm #4

**** (ok, I edited) her and the broom she rode in on.

"It's hard not to wonder how those possible kids turned out, but of course I signed away the right to know. I used it to buy time, to finish a book that I did finish, which an agent is shopping around now. More often I just imagine my presence as a running joke in those two families, the perpetual scapegoat for anything the parents didn't want to rise out of their mess of DNA. She's always picked last for softball teams -- blame the donor. She has ADD -- blame the donor. She caught a cold, has a pimple, doesn't like pineapple -- blame the donor.

"The mother will laugh every time, maybe a little too long, after her daughter has already left the room. You didn't get that from me, she'll say. Nope, not from me."




What a loathesome creature she is.
Last edited by Blessed_Thistle on April 9th, 2012, 6:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: July 3rd, 2004, 10:12 pm

April 9th, 2012, 5:28 pm #5

I found this April 4th article equally riveting and blood boiling. She seems to have a deep seated anger toward egg donation, and to the women specifically who are the recipients. I wonder how she would feel if she hadn't found out her problem with genetics, and the impact it may have on her own fertility.

Curious to hear your thoughts on this article. It is long, but I wasn't able to put it down.

Here is the link:

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archi ... gs/253625/

Baby Blessings,
Jordee




to hear this I think.

It is always something that worries me about young, childless women donating. That no matter how well they are counselled (and not very well in her case), there is always the possibility of regret and interest in children conceived using their eggs... why wouldn't there be.

My other biggest concern was that the young woman would donate successfully then find she was later unable to conceive. That must be devastating.

One way of ameliorating this IMHO is more non-anonymous donation like in the UK and clearly better regulation of agencies and counselling.

There is too much money paid in the US I think (in some cases) to make it unavoidable that exploitation, misunderstanding, short term desperation for money etc are too much of a factor. There is also a worry for me about anonymous Euro donation as well - and this is pertinent to me as I used donor embryos from Spain.

This is a very sensitive and difficult area. I know my views may be controversial but I do NOT intend to diss the women on this board (including me actually) for their choices.

I just think the other side to the DE story is worth hearing and considering. She is clearly upset. I don't think she deserves our vitriol. I certainly don't feel that way about her at all - what she says is legitimate.

Yes, her closing comments could feel flippant and offensive to some, but don't forget, she has only one experience, that of a donor. We don't have any idea about her feelings as a ED and also she obviously has no experience of receiving DE - otherwise she may not have said this. BUT that is how she feels and we should respect that.

Her end comments come from a sad not a bad place I think. A sense of regret and of maybe not being appreciated enough. Also a sense of sadness that she is unable to have any contact with the parents and/or child maybe plus an assumption that the recipient may be no tell??

Also, don't forget journalistic license demands that the article be sexed-up and controversial as that is the current default angle of most articles re. DE at the moment.

Instead of blaming this young, possibly vulnerable woman, we should save our anger for the agencies who drive this process without looking after the girls as well as they might???

Best,
Daisy
xxxx
Last edited by loochieuk on April 9th, 2012, 6:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: December 4th, 2005, 5:25 pm

April 9th, 2012, 5:37 pm #6

I think there are likely many women who feel great about their donation (my surro included). But, life, as we all know here, can surprise you. It sounds as if this woman now has fertility issues? (I don't have time right now to read the entire thing right now.) I can understand how donation would be very fraught for her. It's sad. I hope she can heal and find her way to her own family one day.

ETA: I should clarify that my surro did not donate her eggs to me.
Last edited by Elmild on April 9th, 2012, 5:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: April 15th, 2011, 4:29 pm

April 9th, 2012, 6:05 pm #7

I found this April 4th article equally riveting and blood boiling. She seems to have a deep seated anger toward egg donation, and to the women specifically who are the recipients. I wonder how she would feel if she hadn't found out her problem with genetics, and the impact it may have on her own fertility.

Curious to hear your thoughts on this article. It is long, but I wasn't able to put it down.

Here is the link:

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archi ... gs/253625/

Baby Blessings,
Jordee




For once, the comments after the article were worth reading. The comments included a lot of compassion and alternative viewpoints.
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Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

April 9th, 2012, 6:26 pm #8

I found this April 4th article equally riveting and blood boiling. She seems to have a deep seated anger toward egg donation, and to the women specifically who are the recipients. I wonder how she would feel if she hadn't found out her problem with genetics, and the impact it may have on her own fertility.

Curious to hear your thoughts on this article. It is long, but I wasn't able to put it down.

Here is the link:

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archi ... gs/253625/

Baby Blessings,
Jordee




But the comments are the most rational and supportive that I've ever seen in a major media piece, probably b/c The Atlantic's subscribers (I need to renew mine, good reminder) are a bit more upscale than most periodicals'. Anyway, yeah, her comment "I knew what they really meant by this was that my genetic make-up was similar enough to the eggless mother for them to pretend that I never existed, but the agency couldn't tell me anything about the couple (another policy) other than the fact that they were 'nice'" was especially jarring for someone who has come to regret using an anonymous donor. Well, one thing I can say, I doubt the families who used her eggs would want to be in contact with her.

You know, it doesn't seem to have occurred to her that she's ultimately lucky to know something about her fertility status, something she wouldn't have known had she not been an ED. And why on earth didn't she choose to speak to the genetic counselor? I really think agencies and clinics need to screen out donors who don't have any motivation for donating but money.

Take care,

Maggie (in VA)
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Joined: July 3rd, 2004, 10:12 pm

April 9th, 2012, 6:39 pm #9

For once, the comments after the article were worth reading. The comments included a lot of compassion and alternative viewpoints.
comments on a piece like this. Excellent comments.

D
x
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Joined: July 23rd, 2008, 6:49 am

April 9th, 2012, 6:42 pm #10

I found this April 4th article equally riveting and blood boiling. She seems to have a deep seated anger toward egg donation, and to the women specifically who are the recipients. I wonder how she would feel if she hadn't found out her problem with genetics, and the impact it may have on her own fertility.

Curious to hear your thoughts on this article. It is long, but I wasn't able to put it down.

Here is the link:

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archi ... gs/253625/

Baby Blessings,
Jordee




Just judging from the quotes in some of the above posts, I don't feel any need to respect her feelings. I respect people not simply for having emotions, but for conveying those emotions in a mature and fair-minded manner. It doesn't sound like she fits the bill.

And another thing, I've lost respect for The Atlantic. The editors had an opportunity to publish an intelligent, well-rounded, thought provoking article and they chose to go for The Star style instead. (I know something about this girl because her book deal was going around the web a few years ago and she has been interviewed in articles, so I'm really not just shooting from the hip here.)

One could argue that egg donors need to be counseled better but let's be honest: no amount of counseling is going to guarantee that time and experience won't lead to regret.

Last edited by biogal on April 9th, 2012, 6:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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