Anyone skip IVF OE and go straight to donor? Why is this so taboo?

Anyone skip IVF OE and go straight to donor? Why is this so taboo?

Lauren
Lauren

February 21st, 2011, 4:58 pm #1

I will reasonably sound like a newb in this message and I hope I am not intruding.

I am still young but after 4 years and 5 miscarriages, all early, I have little faith in my own eggs and their viability and ability to carry to term.At this point the only obviousway to test that is IVF OR. I get so anxious and sick thinking about two or three or even really just one cycle of OE.The emotions and roller coaster of something I have little faith in at this point feels unnecessary.

With DE I feel more peace. Not total peace and I'm not naive but the anxiousness towards DE is more hopeful and anticipatory.

We cant start DE for at least a year min. I am a therapistand have no problem seeking true therapy to ensure we are ready for DE.

I have crappy genetics honestly. I got relatively lucky but addiction and cancer and mental illness race through my family on both sides like wildfire. I'd feel at this point that a child from someone else genes would be getting a gift I cant give.

So rambling thoughts that I urge people to pick apart. Why is it so taboo to even think of skipping IVF with my own eggs? I am so sick of hearing "dont you want to try just once, you are so young, wont you always wonder".

What if I really don't care where or who my children come from? Is that possible??
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Catherine
Catherine

February 21st, 2011, 5:05 pm #2

Because it was quite obvious that I had full- blown POF and it would be a waste of time and money. I tried one IUI with no response and that was enough for me. The mainita thing is that you need to be comfortable that you have exhausted the OE options and are mentally ready to embraced DE without regrets.

Good luck!
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Catherine
Catherine

February 21st, 2011, 5:10 pm #3

I will reasonably sound like a newb in this message and I hope I am not intruding.

I am still young but after 4 years and 5 miscarriages, all early, I have little faith in my own eggs and their viability and ability to carry to term.At this point the only obviousway to test that is IVF OR. I get so anxious and sick thinking about two or three or even really just one cycle of OE.The emotions and roller coaster of something I have little faith in at this point feels unnecessary.

With DE I feel more peace. Not total peace and I'm not naive but the anxiousness towards DE is more hopeful and anticipatory.

We cant start DE for at least a year min. I am a therapistand have no problem seeking true therapy to ensure we are ready for DE.

I have crappy genetics honestly. I got relatively lucky but addiction and cancer and mental illness race through my family on both sides like wildfire. I'd feel at this point that a child from someone else genes would be getting a gift I cant give.

So rambling thoughts that I urge people to pick apart. Why is it so taboo to even think of skipping IVF with my own eggs? I am so sick of hearing "dont you want to try just once, you are so young, wont you always wonder".

What if I really don't care where or who my children come from? Is that possible??
One thought came to mind - have you had comprehensive immune testing to establish why you are miscarrying? If you haven't I would do that before moving on to DE. Besides which, if you do have i mune issues they will also be a problem with DE.

I am with you on the genetics. I can think of very few family members I would want my child to take after. Quite honestly it doesn't bother me at all that my DE child doesn't have my genes, I am just grateful to have him
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ks
ks

February 21st, 2011, 5:15 pm #4

I will reasonably sound like a newb in this message and I hope I am not intruding.

I am still young but after 4 years and 5 miscarriages, all early, I have little faith in my own eggs and their viability and ability to carry to term.At this point the only obviousway to test that is IVF OR. I get so anxious and sick thinking about two or three or even really just one cycle of OE.The emotions and roller coaster of something I have little faith in at this point feels unnecessary.

With DE I feel more peace. Not total peace and I'm not naive but the anxiousness towards DE is more hopeful and anticipatory.

We cant start DE for at least a year min. I am a therapistand have no problem seeking true therapy to ensure we are ready for DE.

I have crappy genetics honestly. I got relatively lucky but addiction and cancer and mental illness race through my family on both sides like wildfire. I'd feel at this point that a child from someone else genes would be getting a gift I cant give.

So rambling thoughts that I urge people to pick apart. Why is it so taboo to even think of skipping IVF with my own eggs? I am so sick of hearing "dont you want to try just once, you are so young, wont you always wonder".

What if I really don't care where or who my children come from? Is that possible??
I didn't get in even one attempt with my own eggs. I was 29 when I was finally diagnosed with POF (FSH at 72) and with rotten tubes there was never any chance. It took me a little while to accept that. And to be honest I still feel a little ripped off! However at my last u/s before transfer I had 11 follicles and I thought for a brief moment...what if??? Then I really thought about what heartbreak it would be to go through all the motions to find out that yah I might have eggs left but they are crappy. And to spend that money on a complete crap shoot when I could put the money toward a future DE cycle...nah not worth it.

I'm sorry if I rambled on! LOL! But there you have my train of thought on this!

All my best to you!

ks
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Joined: March 25th, 2008, 8:46 pm

February 21st, 2011, 5:26 pm #5

I will reasonably sound like a newb in this message and I hope I am not intruding.

I am still young but after 4 years and 5 miscarriages, all early, I have little faith in my own eggs and their viability and ability to carry to term.At this point the only obviousway to test that is IVF OR. I get so anxious and sick thinking about two or three or even really just one cycle of OE.The emotions and roller coaster of something I have little faith in at this point feels unnecessary.

With DE I feel more peace. Not total peace and I'm not naive but the anxiousness towards DE is more hopeful and anticipatory.

We cant start DE for at least a year min. I am a therapistand have no problem seeking true therapy to ensure we are ready for DE.

I have crappy genetics honestly. I got relatively lucky but addiction and cancer and mental illness race through my family on both sides like wildfire. I'd feel at this point that a child from someone else genes would be getting a gift I cant give.

So rambling thoughts that I urge people to pick apart. Why is it so taboo to even think of skipping IVF with my own eggs? I am so sick of hearing "dont you want to try just once, you are so young, wont you always wonder".

What if I really don't care where or who my children come from? Is that possible??
I tried with IUI and my own eggs till I was 43. I could get but not stay pregnant. Decided if I was going to do ART, I wanted a higher chance of success. So onto donor eggs (vitrified, trials) then donor embryo. No regrets.

----------------------------

I've got all I'll ever need thanks to the Keeper of the Stars.



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Anonymous
Anonymous

February 21st, 2011, 5:32 pm #6

I will reasonably sound like a newb in this message and I hope I am not intruding.

I am still young but after 4 years and 5 miscarriages, all early, I have little faith in my own eggs and their viability and ability to carry to term.At this point the only obviousway to test that is IVF OR. I get so anxious and sick thinking about two or three or even really just one cycle of OE.The emotions and roller coaster of something I have little faith in at this point feels unnecessary.

With DE I feel more peace. Not total peace and I'm not naive but the anxiousness towards DE is more hopeful and anticipatory.

We cant start DE for at least a year min. I am a therapistand have no problem seeking true therapy to ensure we are ready for DE.

I have crappy genetics honestly. I got relatively lucky but addiction and cancer and mental illness race through my family on both sides like wildfire. I'd feel at this point that a child from someone else genes would be getting a gift I cant give.

So rambling thoughts that I urge people to pick apart. Why is it so taboo to even think of skipping IVF with my own eggs? I am so sick of hearing "dont you want to try just once, you are so young, wont you always wonder".

What if I really don't care where or who my children come from? Is that possible??
I did. My fsh was 60+ and I never had response during my iui's so I figured I didn't want to keep throwing money away.
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Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

February 21st, 2011, 6:18 pm #7

I will reasonably sound like a newb in this message and I hope I am not intruding.

I am still young but after 4 years and 5 miscarriages, all early, I have little faith in my own eggs and their viability and ability to carry to term.At this point the only obviousway to test that is IVF OR. I get so anxious and sick thinking about two or three or even really just one cycle of OE.The emotions and roller coaster of something I have little faith in at this point feels unnecessary.

With DE I feel more peace. Not total peace and I'm not naive but the anxiousness towards DE is more hopeful and anticipatory.

We cant start DE for at least a year min. I am a therapistand have no problem seeking true therapy to ensure we are ready for DE.

I have crappy genetics honestly. I got relatively lucky but addiction and cancer and mental illness race through my family on both sides like wildfire. I'd feel at this point that a child from someone else genes would be getting a gift I cant give.

So rambling thoughts that I urge people to pick apart. Why is it so taboo to even think of skipping IVF with my own eggs? I am so sick of hearing "dont you want to try just once, you are so young, wont you always wonder".

What if I really don't care where or who my children come from? Is that possible??
I was too old to try with OE when I started ttc, so I had no choice but to go to DE, but "addiction and cancer and mental illness race through my family on both sides like wildfire" is also an excellent description for my family (except less so the cancer and more so autoimmune problems), too. That was one huge element of my reluctance to have kids when it was biologically feasible for me to do so. In the absence of a high order genetic illness like Huntington's or Tay-Sach's, people tend to be dismissive of concerns about potential genetic issues. Even so, we had a young woman on this board a few months ago who actually gave birth to a naturally conceived child that had a serious genetic illness, and when she and her husband decided to use DE for their next child, her family gave her grief about it. People are just screwy on this subject. When I mentioned this as a concern to my RE at GIVF, he actually characterized our using DE -- never mind that I didn't have a choice at my age -- to avoid these issues as "eugenics."

I think it is possible to want kids so much, you're less concerned about the child being your genetic progeny than having a baby, because I was, too. Incidentally, as I mentioned to the woman going to DE due to her naturally conceived child's illness, I guess about eighteen months, two years ago maybe, someone meekly posted asking if anyone thought it was a bad idea to go straight to DE in her circumstances, and no one, no one said they thought it was a bad idea. That's b/c there are so many women on this board who just drained themselves emotionally and financially on OE before they finally decided to move on.

I will say this, I posted on the pink board recently b/c I had a little surprise grief attack when I had a get-together with a mom's group, most of whom had conceived through IUI or OE/IVF, and it suddenly struck me that they all resembled their kids, while I don't. (Now, that's partly b/c I cycled overseas where donor coordinators choose your donor; even the other woman in my group who conceived through DE w/GC looks more like her kid, b/c she had more control over her donor.) So, your emotions can surprise you later on.

I think you're just being realistic, and this is just such an emotion-laden process that most people can't do that. I would say follow your heart. I know I didn't think emotionally I could do more than two or three cycles. Thank heaven I got pg on the second one.

Good luck and take care!

Maggie (in VA)
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Lauren
Lauren

February 21st, 2011, 7:08 pm #8

Yeah I'm just not convinced that genetics make a family. Maybe I'm naive honestly but knowing genetics and how I will imprint on the child makes me feel a bond. I feel more confident in how I can raise and impact my children than needing to pass certain genes
I've never been able to even picture what my kids would look like my whole life, never imagined what my genes with dh's genes for a child. That's always been blank in my mind.
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Joined: December 2nd, 2005, 3:49 pm

February 21st, 2011, 7:09 pm #9

I will reasonably sound like a newb in this message and I hope I am not intruding.

I am still young but after 4 years and 5 miscarriages, all early, I have little faith in my own eggs and their viability and ability to carry to term.At this point the only obviousway to test that is IVF OR. I get so anxious and sick thinking about two or three or even really just one cycle of OE.The emotions and roller coaster of something I have little faith in at this point feels unnecessary.

With DE I feel more peace. Not total peace and I'm not naive but the anxiousness towards DE is more hopeful and anticipatory.

We cant start DE for at least a year min. I am a therapistand have no problem seeking true therapy to ensure we are ready for DE.

I have crappy genetics honestly. I got relatively lucky but addiction and cancer and mental illness race through my family on both sides like wildfire. I'd feel at this point that a child from someone else genes would be getting a gift I cant give.

So rambling thoughts that I urge people to pick apart. Why is it so taboo to even think of skipping IVF with my own eggs? I am so sick of hearing "dont you want to try just once, you are so young, wont you always wonder".

What if I really don't care where or who my children come from? Is that possible??
I don't think there is any reason at all to do an OE IVF first if you are feeling at peace with DE. Some people really do need to pursue every possible avenue first and others are ready sooner. It's a very individual decision. Since you are conceiving on your own, I'm just wondering if you have done all of the testing for repeated miscarriages. I do have a number of friends that, low and behold, found out they had clotting issues only after losing several pregnancies. But if egg quality is the issue, then moving forward will increase your chances significantly. Good luck with your decision.
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Joined: September 18th, 2007, 2:03 am

February 21st, 2011, 7:26 pm #10

I will reasonably sound like a newb in this message and I hope I am not intruding.

I am still young but after 4 years and 5 miscarriages, all early, I have little faith in my own eggs and their viability and ability to carry to term.At this point the only obviousway to test that is IVF OR. I get so anxious and sick thinking about two or three or even really just one cycle of OE.The emotions and roller coaster of something I have little faith in at this point feels unnecessary.

With DE I feel more peace. Not total peace and I'm not naive but the anxiousness towards DE is more hopeful and anticipatory.

We cant start DE for at least a year min. I am a therapistand have no problem seeking true therapy to ensure we are ready for DE.

I have crappy genetics honestly. I got relatively lucky but addiction and cancer and mental illness race through my family on both sides like wildfire. I'd feel at this point that a child from someone else genes would be getting a gift I cant give.

So rambling thoughts that I urge people to pick apart. Why is it so taboo to even think of skipping IVF with my own eggs? I am so sick of hearing "dont you want to try just once, you are so young, wont you always wonder".

What if I really don't care where or who my children come from? Is that possible??
No hope for me with OE, given my astronomical FSH. Time was not on my side, either, nor was $$.
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