Another donor bites the dust

Another donor bites the dust

Joined: December 8th, 2006, 6:35 am

July 28th, 2011, 10:16 pm #1

Made the deposit at the clinic, got the calendar, and then we received a whole bunch of new information about our donor, which to our surprise, kept my husband and I up all night last night with nightmares. I don't want to go into here for confidentiality reasons, but we cancelled the cycle and are looking for a new donor...again.

This is no one's fault except ours, I guess, because we just can not see moving forward, and were both pretty heartbroken this morning at having to start over. Everyone has been incredibly supportive and not given us grief, which was a relief.

Has anyone here pulled back at such a late date? We are going to be out a bunch more $ screening fees, but better that and peace of mind..

I know this is not because we are not ready to do DE...we are SO ready...just really struggling to find the right donor fit with an agency we can trust (of which we only believe there are a handful).
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Joined: July 10th, 2009, 8:18 pm

July 28th, 2011, 11:10 pm #2

Sorry you're having such a hard time nailing down the perfect donor for you, Minniet. Was hoping you'd be cycling very soon. I'm sure the perfect donor is out there waiting for you & your DH. Hope you find her soon and get on the road to baby making!
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Joined: February 6th, 2007, 1:08 am

July 28th, 2011, 11:24 pm #3

Made the deposit at the clinic, got the calendar, and then we received a whole bunch of new information about our donor, which to our surprise, kept my husband and I up all night last night with nightmares. I don't want to go into here for confidentiality reasons, but we cancelled the cycle and are looking for a new donor...again.

This is no one's fault except ours, I guess, because we just can not see moving forward, and were both pretty heartbroken this morning at having to start over. Everyone has been incredibly supportive and not given us grief, which was a relief.

Has anyone here pulled back at such a late date? We are going to be out a bunch more $ screening fees, but better that and peace of mind..

I know this is not because we are not ready to do DE...we are SO ready...just really struggling to find the right donor fit with an agency we can trust (of which we only believe there are a handful).
I know you had been to great lengths to select this donor and also know it must be something quite serious for you to back out and if it is you are doing the right thing. You really do have to be happy with your donor. I did want to add however that if this is a medical thing that was not disclosed prior surely you should be reimbursed for the costs so far. Good luck Minniet, I hope you find your donor soon. You must be heartbroken after all you have gone through. Big hugs.
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Joined: March 25th, 2008, 8:46 pm

July 29th, 2011, 12:48 am #4

Made the deposit at the clinic, got the calendar, and then we received a whole bunch of new information about our donor, which to our surprise, kept my husband and I up all night last night with nightmares. I don't want to go into here for confidentiality reasons, but we cancelled the cycle and are looking for a new donor...again.

This is no one's fault except ours, I guess, because we just can not see moving forward, and were both pretty heartbroken this morning at having to start over. Everyone has been incredibly supportive and not given us grief, which was a relief.

Has anyone here pulled back at such a late date? We are going to be out a bunch more $ screening fees, but better that and peace of mind..

I know this is not because we are not ready to do DE...we are SO ready...just really struggling to find the right donor fit with an agency we can trust (of which we only believe there are a handful).
could you ever consider just taking a leap of faith? I knew almost nothing of what my kids might look like and they could not be cuter...the only things I knew with certainty were the donors were quite bright (ok, this would have been a dealbreaker for me so I understand how important this is to you) and I really liked the donating family father's personality - it seemed so much like my own (how narcissistic!) It was hard for me to give up control - I actually had created a spreadsheet of my preferred egg donors when I was down that path and rated various characteristics with weighted values to determine the front runners. I did have to take a big leap of faith switching to donor embryo, especially since this particular profile had no pictures, but could not be more thankful that these are my kids.

I am so sorry you've been dealt this latest blow...can't quite imagine how disappointed you must be. I don't mean to imply that this might have been the right profile for you but I do have faith it is out there.
Last edited by Blessed_Thistle on July 29th, 2011, 12:49 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: December 8th, 2006, 6:35 am

July 29th, 2011, 1:32 am #5

I have shared more details on the green board, and in doing so, have discovered some hidden issues I think my gut is sensing. I feel very very sad at cancelling. But I genuinely feel no regrets, so I know the decision was right.

We will find our gal. It will happen, just not on my terms. What else is new? Nothing has worked as I planned it anyway...
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Anonymous
Anonymous

July 29th, 2011, 2:05 am #6

Made the deposit at the clinic, got the calendar, and then we received a whole bunch of new information about our donor, which to our surprise, kept my husband and I up all night last night with nightmares. I don't want to go into here for confidentiality reasons, but we cancelled the cycle and are looking for a new donor...again.

This is no one's fault except ours, I guess, because we just can not see moving forward, and were both pretty heartbroken this morning at having to start over. Everyone has been incredibly supportive and not given us grief, which was a relief.

Has anyone here pulled back at such a late date? We are going to be out a bunch more $ screening fees, but better that and peace of mind..

I know this is not because we are not ready to do DE...we are SO ready...just really struggling to find the right donor fit with an agency we can trust (of which we only believe there are a handful).
You will find the right one and know it. I fully support you insisting on seeing photos of her parents and siblings.
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Anonymous
Anonymous

July 29th, 2011, 2:43 am #7

Made the deposit at the clinic, got the calendar, and then we received a whole bunch of new information about our donor, which to our surprise, kept my husband and I up all night last night with nightmares. I don't want to go into here for confidentiality reasons, but we cancelled the cycle and are looking for a new donor...again.

This is no one's fault except ours, I guess, because we just can not see moving forward, and were both pretty heartbroken this morning at having to start over. Everyone has been incredibly supportive and not given us grief, which was a relief.

Has anyone here pulled back at such a late date? We are going to be out a bunch more $ screening fees, but better that and peace of mind..

I know this is not because we are not ready to do DE...we are SO ready...just really struggling to find the right donor fit with an agency we can trust (of which we only believe there are a handful).
You have certainly been through the ringer in this process. On one hand, I hear you about finding the 'perfect' one, on the other hand, the only 'perfect' one would by OE truth be told. We can't replicate ourselves. I kind of took a leap of faith with a clinic donor who was available b/c the other donor that I was to share, the other couple backed out at the last minute, leaving me waiting AGAIN for someone to pick her. I was all over it, and ended up finding out (not from the DE coordinator) about this other donor who another couple had picked and were waiting for a share - looked at the picture and said, why not? She was cute with a big smile, looked happy, was skinny and tall (I'm more 'normal' size), and liked to read, jog and do yoga. Sounded good to me.

I'm now pg and have no regrets.

Best of luck to you. I hope that you find success very soon.
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Anonymous
Anonymous

July 29th, 2011, 2:52 am #8

loved animals and ranked herself as more intuitive than logical.
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minniet
minniet

July 29th, 2011, 4:26 am #9

You have certainly been through the ringer in this process. On one hand, I hear you about finding the 'perfect' one, on the other hand, the only 'perfect' one would by OE truth be told. We can't replicate ourselves. I kind of took a leap of faith with a clinic donor who was available b/c the other donor that I was to share, the other couple backed out at the last minute, leaving me waiting AGAIN for someone to pick her. I was all over it, and ended up finding out (not from the DE coordinator) about this other donor who another couple had picked and were waiting for a share - looked at the picture and said, why not? She was cute with a big smile, looked happy, was skinny and tall (I'm more 'normal' size), and liked to read, jog and do yoga. Sounded good to me.

I'm now pg and have no regrets.

Best of luck to you. I hope that you find success very soon.
I was thrilled with a donor who was a personal friend a few years back, looked nothing like me, had all her own "issues" but the core things we needed were there. It didn't work out. It's hard to do the agency route, there are so many unknowns and so much money on the line.

Thanks to everyone for your support. I know whatever happens, it will work out the right way for us. No regrets on cancelling.
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Joined: January 1st, 2006, 3:50 pm

July 29th, 2011, 12:19 pm #10

Made the deposit at the clinic, got the calendar, and then we received a whole bunch of new information about our donor, which to our surprise, kept my husband and I up all night last night with nightmares. I don't want to go into here for confidentiality reasons, but we cancelled the cycle and are looking for a new donor...again.

This is no one's fault except ours, I guess, because we just can not see moving forward, and were both pretty heartbroken this morning at having to start over. Everyone has been incredibly supportive and not given us grief, which was a relief.

Has anyone here pulled back at such a late date? We are going to be out a bunch more $ screening fees, but better that and peace of mind..

I know this is not because we are not ready to do DE...we are SO ready...just really struggling to find the right donor fit with an agency we can trust (of which we only believe there are a handful).
I am so very sorry this donor didnt work out - but you have to follow your heart!

Kay

" Some people built castles in the air. She constructed hers from mashed potatoes, which kept down demolition costs." Sarah Sloane, Borrowing Priviledges
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