Advice...

Advice...

Joined: February 14th, 2012, 7:22 pm

March 2nd, 2012, 8:54 pm #1

Hey Ladies,

I just wanted to vent a littleTomorrow I am supposed to attend a baby shower for my honeys cousin that I love very much. It seems like every two to three weeks for the rest of the upcoming months I have invites sitting on my desk for baby showers. My dilemma is each one of them I hold dear to my heart. I love them all and I am extremely happy for each of them, but the thought of going even to the one tomorrow is causing a lump in my throat and making me feel somewhat depressed. I actually started telling myself, is something wrong with me? I am honestly happy for them, but at the same time I feel like I dont want to attend. I couldnt sleep last night. And now I am trying to figure out a way to tell my hun that I dont know whether I can attend..What do I do? Is this normal? Help!!! Thanks, Ladies..Babydust & Blessings to you all
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Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

March 2nd, 2012, 9:51 pm #2

Were a problem. Just going to events where I knew there would be a lot of children was eventually a problem. So I think it's totally normal.

If you believe you can beg off politely, I think that's entirely justified. If you don't, try to limit your time at the showers.

That's just my $.02,

Maggie (in VA)
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Anonymous
Anonymous

March 2nd, 2012, 10:02 pm #3

Hey Ladies,

I just wanted to vent a littleTomorrow I am supposed to attend a baby shower for my honeys cousin that I love very much. It seems like every two to three weeks for the rest of the upcoming months I have invites sitting on my desk for baby showers. My dilemma is each one of them I hold dear to my heart. I love them all and I am extremely happy for each of them, but the thought of going even to the one tomorrow is causing a lump in my throat and making me feel somewhat depressed. I actually started telling myself, is something wrong with me? I am honestly happy for them, but at the same time I feel like I dont want to attend. I couldnt sleep last night. And now I am trying to figure out a way to tell my hun that I dont know whether I can attend..What do I do? Is this normal? Help!!! Thanks, Ladies..Babydust & Blessings to you all
So hard I am sure, but you love these gals so attend. Hopefully having a DE plan gives you hope and strengh..
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Joined: December 8th, 2006, 6:35 am

March 3rd, 2012, 1:40 am #4

Hey Ladies,

I just wanted to vent a littleTomorrow I am supposed to attend a baby shower for my honeys cousin that I love very much. It seems like every two to three weeks for the rest of the upcoming months I have invites sitting on my desk for baby showers. My dilemma is each one of them I hold dear to my heart. I love them all and I am extremely happy for each of them, but the thought of going even to the one tomorrow is causing a lump in my throat and making me feel somewhat depressed. I actually started telling myself, is something wrong with me? I am honestly happy for them, but at the same time I feel like I dont want to attend. I couldnt sleep last night. And now I am trying to figure out a way to tell my hun that I dont know whether I can attend..What do I do? Is this normal? Help!!! Thanks, Ladies..Babydust & Blessings to you all
I really regret some of the baby showers I attended, and finally realized I had to stop. I felt like I was so sad, couldn't help it, and felt foolish and envious. I still will attend one occasionally, but only when it is for someone who has struggled through IF and can be sensitive.

If you are this stressed, just make up an excuse.

I missed one of my best friend's baby showers and she has never given it a thought...she loves me and knows how hard this is.
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Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

March 3rd, 2012, 2:07 am #5

I had some embarrassing public meltdowns when I just didn't want to admit the impact this was having on my life, so I say gauge your tolerance very carefully. Now, my husband and I were in a deep marital conflict, too, so it wasn't just sadness over childlessness, but I would have spared myself (and a few innocent bystanders) that if I'd been willing to admit I needed to give myself a break. Since my IF was just age-related (or so I thought), I felt even more foolish than a woman w/a realistic expectation of being able to conceive. Take care, Maggie (in VA)
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Joined: October 8th, 2008, 7:27 pm

March 3rd, 2012, 12:04 pm #6

Hey Ladies,

I just wanted to vent a littleTomorrow I am supposed to attend a baby shower for my honeys cousin that I love very much. It seems like every two to three weeks for the rest of the upcoming months I have invites sitting on my desk for baby showers. My dilemma is each one of them I hold dear to my heart. I love them all and I am extremely happy for each of them, but the thought of going even to the one tomorrow is causing a lump in my throat and making me feel somewhat depressed. I actually started telling myself, is something wrong with me? I am honestly happy for them, but at the same time I feel like I dont want to attend. I couldnt sleep last night. And now I am trying to figure out a way to tell my hun that I dont know whether I can attend..What do I do? Is this normal? Help!!! Thanks, Ladies..Babydust & Blessings to you all
It's totally normal and completely understandable.

If she loves you, she will get it. Send a card and a present.

When you have your baby you can bond again, but not before.
Last edited by diaphantaonacid on March 3rd, 2012, 12:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Mrs. M
Mrs. M

March 3rd, 2012, 12:25 pm #7

Hey Ladies,

I just wanted to vent a littleTomorrow I am supposed to attend a baby shower for my honeys cousin that I love very much. It seems like every two to three weeks for the rest of the upcoming months I have invites sitting on my desk for baby showers. My dilemma is each one of them I hold dear to my heart. I love them all and I am extremely happy for each of them, but the thought of going even to the one tomorrow is causing a lump in my throat and making me feel somewhat depressed. I actually started telling myself, is something wrong with me? I am honestly happy for them, but at the same time I feel like I dont want to attend. I couldnt sleep last night. And now I am trying to figure out a way to tell my hun that I dont know whether I can attend..What do I do? Is this normal? Help!!! Thanks, Ladies..Babydust & Blessings to you all
Early in my IF journey I forced myself to attend baby showers and other "kid/baby" activities because of the guilt of not going. I eventually I learned that taking care of me was the most important thing (didn't do that on my own, had some help from a great counselor). I just started giving gift/gift card outside of celebration. If people are aware of your journey, share you reasons and people that care about you will understand. If people do not know, I just made up some excuse. It is not worth the anxiety that comes before, the torture of sitting through the festivities, and the depressed feeling after the activities. You could suddenly get sick today if you need an excuse for the shower today. Your feelings are completely normal. Don't beat yourself up with the guilt, I know easier said then done. Your feeling are your feelings, they are not food or bad.
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Joined: November 27th, 2011, 4:22 pm

March 3rd, 2012, 10:47 pm #8

Hey Ladies,

I just wanted to vent a littleTomorrow I am supposed to attend a baby shower for my honeys cousin that I love very much. It seems like every two to three weeks for the rest of the upcoming months I have invites sitting on my desk for baby showers. My dilemma is each one of them I hold dear to my heart. I love them all and I am extremely happy for each of them, but the thought of going even to the one tomorrow is causing a lump in my throat and making me feel somewhat depressed. I actually started telling myself, is something wrong with me? I am honestly happy for them, but at the same time I feel like I dont want to attend. I couldnt sleep last night. And now I am trying to figure out a way to tell my hun that I dont know whether I can attend..What do I do? Is this normal? Help!!! Thanks, Ladies..Babydust & Blessings to you all
I actually had to HOST a baby shower for my SIL a few weekends ago... it nearly killed me. After getting through that, I promised myself I wouldn't attend another, at least until I can do it without a giant knot in my stomach. Don't put yourself through the trauma - anyone you're close to will understand.
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thesameboat
thesameboat

March 3rd, 2012, 11:23 pm #9

Hey Ladies,

I just wanted to vent a littleTomorrow I am supposed to attend a baby shower for my honeys cousin that I love very much. It seems like every two to three weeks for the rest of the upcoming months I have invites sitting on my desk for baby showers. My dilemma is each one of them I hold dear to my heart. I love them all and I am extremely happy for each of them, but the thought of going even to the one tomorrow is causing a lump in my throat and making me feel somewhat depressed. I actually started telling myself, is something wrong with me? I am honestly happy for them, but at the same time I feel like I dont want to attend. I couldnt sleep last night. And now I am trying to figure out a way to tell my hun that I dont know whether I can attend..What do I do? Is this normal? Help!!! Thanks, Ladies..Babydust & Blessings to you all
So you don't have to go shopping for kids' thngs. There is nothing wrong with just replying that it's unfortunately not possible for you to attend. I would not try to explain why. They will not understand.

Good luck to you.
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LadyMagoo
LadyMagoo

March 4th, 2012, 3:12 am #10

Hey Ladies,

I just wanted to vent a littleTomorrow I am supposed to attend a baby shower for my honeys cousin that I love very much. It seems like every two to three weeks for the rest of the upcoming months I have invites sitting on my desk for baby showers. My dilemma is each one of them I hold dear to my heart. I love them all and I am extremely happy for each of them, but the thought of going even to the one tomorrow is causing a lump in my throat and making me feel somewhat depressed. I actually started telling myself, is something wrong with me? I am honestly happy for them, but at the same time I feel like I dont want to attend. I couldnt sleep last night. And now I am trying to figure out a way to tell my hun that I dont know whether I can attend..What do I do? Is this normal? Help!!! Thanks, Ladies..Babydust & Blessings to you all
Sometimes I had a last minute stomach bug or cold, and sometimes I was very honest and up front...but I usually begged off the baby showers. I even begged off a welcome home for a newly adopted baby. I just couldn't do it. The few times I forced myself to attend such events, I had meltdowns before and after. It just isn't worth the pain. Nothing is worth that pain and the endless conversations and questions from relative strangers about when your "time will come" yadda yadda...why do this to yourself, sweetie?

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