Needing some suggestions on what to do about work

Needing some suggestions on what to do about work

Joined: September 4th, 2004, 1:08 am

June 6th, 2012, 12:50 am #1

So I had a week off work to get things straightened out around here, well that did not happen of course. The kids have been so sick, one by one, went through the house and now I am battling it. So it was the time off that didn't exactly happen though was meant to be that I was home for them since someone has been out of school constantly. I have been counting down the days dreading having to go back. I saw my new therapist and liked her. She recommended that I take a leave of absence from work if it is financially possible which it really isn't. She gave me a few other ideas like cutting my hours or cutting back on the amount of patients I see to lighten my load so that work is a break and not another stressor. I have been having a lot of anxiety driving into work, irritable bowel acting up. I love my job but I feel like I don't have the time to be there right now. I just don't know how they will take this and how much I should tell them. We haven't shared with many what is going on with my youngest DS, I am still getting my head around it. We saw a new therapist for him today and she pegged him in the first 5 minutes, loved her and I feel confident she will help me. Then I get home to another phone call from school, this time one of the twins DD8. Guess someone has been stealing the other kids snacks out of their backpacks all year and she was caught in the act today, all the kids got on her and the teacher had to pull her out of class and talk to her. The school called me and I was really speechless. I send her with a snack every day, she picks it out. She is trying to say she is still so hungry even having breakfast and lunch is only an hour away, her stomach hurts. Oh good lord, can someone given me a freakin break right now. She is being followed by the pediatrician for borderline weight issues. Guys, I don't know if I can handle anything else right now. Why does summer have to be coming so fast, I am not ready, not even close. Anyway, I know I need to cut back with work for a little while, just to get my head straight. What would you do and how would you handle it?
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Joined: January 1st, 1970, 12:00 am

June 6th, 2012, 1:15 am #2

she's an ER nurse and just works weekends. She can spend all week with her kids. But that's stressing you out, so would it be worse? I know it would mean giving up the job you have now, and I remember how much you said you like it. I also don't know how hard it would be to change from dermatology to ER.

I'm really sorry about everything you have going on, Gail. I wish I knew something practical to suggest.

School nursing? Then your schedule would be the same as theirs, and you might even work in the same school.

Figure out how much you need to get by, and cut back to that. Make sure that any increased time away from work includes time for just you.

I'm glad the therapists are working out.

I think you're going to have to get out of the house for some down time. (((hugs)))




Keiki's Makuahine (Keiki's Mom) 51, dh 52
Keiki: b. 2002 after 3 months bedrest
Natural conception following ZIFT/chem. pg

Olivia: b. 1999 d. 1999
28-week preemie, ptl cause unknown
Natural conception after 1 mc

ttc since 1998
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Joined: February 10th, 2009, 9:24 pm

June 6th, 2012, 3:06 am #3

So I had a week off work to get things straightened out around here, well that did not happen of course. The kids have been so sick, one by one, went through the house and now I am battling it. So it was the time off that didn't exactly happen though was meant to be that I was home for them since someone has been out of school constantly. I have been counting down the days dreading having to go back. I saw my new therapist and liked her. She recommended that I take a leave of absence from work if it is financially possible which it really isn't. She gave me a few other ideas like cutting my hours or cutting back on the amount of patients I see to lighten my load so that work is a break and not another stressor. I have been having a lot of anxiety driving into work, irritable bowel acting up. I love my job but I feel like I don't have the time to be there right now. I just don't know how they will take this and how much I should tell them. We haven't shared with many what is going on with my youngest DS, I am still getting my head around it. We saw a new therapist for him today and she pegged him in the first 5 minutes, loved her and I feel confident she will help me. Then I get home to another phone call from school, this time one of the twins DD8. Guess someone has been stealing the other kids snacks out of their backpacks all year and she was caught in the act today, all the kids got on her and the teacher had to pull her out of class and talk to her. The school called me and I was really speechless. I send her with a snack every day, she picks it out. She is trying to say she is still so hungry even having breakfast and lunch is only an hour away, her stomach hurts. Oh good lord, can someone given me a freakin break right now. She is being followed by the pediatrician for borderline weight issues. Guys, I don't know if I can handle anything else right now. Why does summer have to be coming so fast, I am not ready, not even close. Anyway, I know I need to cut back with work for a little while, just to get my head straight. What would you do and how would you handle it?
Gail, If you feel you need to cut back at work right now, I think I would simply tell them that you are dealing with a long term illness with one of the kids that youre not ready to talk about, but need a few hours a week off (or whatever the time frame might be)

As for your DD, can you add low-cal additional snacks to her backpack that would fill her up and taste good? What about high fiber, high protein granola bars and a box of lowfat milk, a couple of cheese sticks and some high fiber crackers with alot of crunch like triscuits? Fiber One and Quaker both make some high protein granola bars that my boys love. They even have them in chocolate chip!!

I sincerely hope that you can find some peace very soon, Gail. This sounds very difficult.

Pink
Last edited by Pinkdandelion on June 6th, 2012, 5:59 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: February 22nd, 2006, 4:05 am

June 6th, 2012, 3:39 am #4

So I had a week off work to get things straightened out around here, well that did not happen of course. The kids have been so sick, one by one, went through the house and now I am battling it. So it was the time off that didn't exactly happen though was meant to be that I was home for them since someone has been out of school constantly. I have been counting down the days dreading having to go back. I saw my new therapist and liked her. She recommended that I take a leave of absence from work if it is financially possible which it really isn't. She gave me a few other ideas like cutting my hours or cutting back on the amount of patients I see to lighten my load so that work is a break and not another stressor. I have been having a lot of anxiety driving into work, irritable bowel acting up. I love my job but I feel like I don't have the time to be there right now. I just don't know how they will take this and how much I should tell them. We haven't shared with many what is going on with my youngest DS, I am still getting my head around it. We saw a new therapist for him today and she pegged him in the first 5 minutes, loved her and I feel confident she will help me. Then I get home to another phone call from school, this time one of the twins DD8. Guess someone has been stealing the other kids snacks out of their backpacks all year and she was caught in the act today, all the kids got on her and the teacher had to pull her out of class and talk to her. The school called me and I was really speechless. I send her with a snack every day, she picks it out. She is trying to say she is still so hungry even having breakfast and lunch is only an hour away, her stomach hurts. Oh good lord, can someone given me a freakin break right now. She is being followed by the pediatrician for borderline weight issues. Guys, I don't know if I can handle anything else right now. Why does summer have to be coming so fast, I am not ready, not even close. Anyway, I know I need to cut back with work for a little while, just to get my head straight. What would you do and how would you handle it?
Has your dd been tested for diabetes? It's entirely possible if you want to give her the benefit of the doubt. If she is underweight or borderline and is constantly hungry, that is a sign of diabetes, pre-diabetes or borderline, so you may want to rule it out. It's possible to overlook it so I just thought I'd throw it out there. Dh's cousin is in healthcare and was stunned to find out that her 5 yr old dd had it and there was NO family history.

The theft issue is TOUGH. Not something you want your kid to be associated with but you know what? Better to find out NOW than later when it could be more constant or with bigger items.

I have no clue what to suggest but maybe she needs to redeem herself to her friends/teacher/school. Maybe an apology note to each child and a small "please forgive me token"? Maybe not the token but at least a personal note? Also, some kind of volunteer work talking to younger kids about why one should not steal? Put her in a position of "control" or "authority" where she can make something good come out of this but at the same time, feel a bit of discomfort and embarrassment over her actions. There MUST be a consequence which should act as a future deterrent. My heart goes out to you. That is such a difficult age.

For work - simply tell them it's a medical leave. Nothing more. You really don't need to explain further. You have to take care of you before you can take care of others. Kind of like the airplane theory. Give yourself oxygen first THEN your kids, etc. Take care of you first with no apologies to anyone else. It's the right thing to do.

Hugs.
Z.
Last edited by ZakiaZ on June 6th, 2012, 3:42 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: December 24th, 2004, 3:57 am

June 6th, 2012, 12:33 pm #5

So I had a week off work to get things straightened out around here, well that did not happen of course. The kids have been so sick, one by one, went through the house and now I am battling it. So it was the time off that didn't exactly happen though was meant to be that I was home for them since someone has been out of school constantly. I have been counting down the days dreading having to go back. I saw my new therapist and liked her. She recommended that I take a leave of absence from work if it is financially possible which it really isn't. She gave me a few other ideas like cutting my hours or cutting back on the amount of patients I see to lighten my load so that work is a break and not another stressor. I have been having a lot of anxiety driving into work, irritable bowel acting up. I love my job but I feel like I don't have the time to be there right now. I just don't know how they will take this and how much I should tell them. We haven't shared with many what is going on with my youngest DS, I am still getting my head around it. We saw a new therapist for him today and she pegged him in the first 5 minutes, loved her and I feel confident she will help me. Then I get home to another phone call from school, this time one of the twins DD8. Guess someone has been stealing the other kids snacks out of their backpacks all year and she was caught in the act today, all the kids got on her and the teacher had to pull her out of class and talk to her. The school called me and I was really speechless. I send her with a snack every day, she picks it out. She is trying to say she is still so hungry even having breakfast and lunch is only an hour away, her stomach hurts. Oh good lord, can someone given me a freakin break right now. She is being followed by the pediatrician for borderline weight issues. Guys, I don't know if I can handle anything else right now. Why does summer have to be coming so fast, I am not ready, not even close. Anyway, I know I need to cut back with work for a little while, just to get my head straight. What would you do and how would you handle it?
I am just so sorry that you are going through all of this stuff with your family.

I think that if you can cut back your hours over the summer, it might be a good thing. I am glad you found a therapist to work with you and your youngest son.

With your dd, well, the good thing is that it is almost summer break and kids will have some time to forget BUT I agree that she needs to face some consequences for stealing.

And honestly, at this age, if she is a bit overweight, I don't think I would worry about it. Can you help her find some kind of movement or sport that she enjoys? (Olympics are this summer so it is a fun time to try on different activities!) And someone pointed out making sure that she has had a full medical workup (although it sounds like you have done that) Try to have some healthy, easy food options available--but other than that, I would just leave it alone.

I wish I lived close to you so I could give you support in concrete ways, but please know that I am thinking about you and know that you are a good mom and your kids are going to be fine. I just wish this part was easier...
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Joined: February 16th, 2006, 1:10 am

June 7th, 2012, 2:42 pm #6

So I had a week off work to get things straightened out around here, well that did not happen of course. The kids have been so sick, one by one, went through the house and now I am battling it. So it was the time off that didn't exactly happen though was meant to be that I was home for them since someone has been out of school constantly. I have been counting down the days dreading having to go back. I saw my new therapist and liked her. She recommended that I take a leave of absence from work if it is financially possible which it really isn't. She gave me a few other ideas like cutting my hours or cutting back on the amount of patients I see to lighten my load so that work is a break and not another stressor. I have been having a lot of anxiety driving into work, irritable bowel acting up. I love my job but I feel like I don't have the time to be there right now. I just don't know how they will take this and how much I should tell them. We haven't shared with many what is going on with my youngest DS, I am still getting my head around it. We saw a new therapist for him today and she pegged him in the first 5 minutes, loved her and I feel confident she will help me. Then I get home to another phone call from school, this time one of the twins DD8. Guess someone has been stealing the other kids snacks out of their backpacks all year and she was caught in the act today, all the kids got on her and the teacher had to pull her out of class and talk to her. The school called me and I was really speechless. I send her with a snack every day, she picks it out. She is trying to say she is still so hungry even having breakfast and lunch is only an hour away, her stomach hurts. Oh good lord, can someone given me a freakin break right now. She is being followed by the pediatrician for borderline weight issues. Guys, I don't know if I can handle anything else right now. Why does summer have to be coming so fast, I am not ready, not even close. Anyway, I know I need to cut back with work for a little while, just to get my head straight. What would you do and how would you handle it?
I can't believe the string of upset you have had. I'm really sad for you and your Dkiddies. It's not fair to have this mountain of turmoil. I've gone back to read your old posts and just wanted to say to you to please recognize that you are doing a lot, possibly everything you could, to help solve these issues. Also, nobody knows what will happen, but maybe this is the very hardest parenting year you will ever have. There are always going to be problems with children and some much, much worse than others. I pray that it is just your very lowest point and that you will learn tools that will head off other problems. I hope all the coming years are much easier.

I can only share my own experience with difficult times and don't have any specific experience with the issues you have shared. So, what I will share is that I've finally learned to accept that something really awful, irritating or scary can happen at any moment. I don't control that. I lived a lot of my life fearing that reality. Since I've always made such a big deal out of controlling absolutely everything--including trivial things, it made it impossible for me to accept the truly serious issues came. I always thought, "I work so hard at everything, why????" The bottom line was I was just too hard on myself and too concerned with doing it all perfectly. So, I had to change. What I learned in the process was that I had a huge fear of dropping one of the hundred balls I was trying to keep juggled in the air. I found when I dropped a ball things that were going to happen still did. I've finally learned how to let go of the idea that I had to control everything and how to hand over my fears of how things will be when I do. It's true that there is a lot of chaos with me---appearance, home, extended family, but I've never felt more in control. Learning to accept my limits has been the most liberating experience I've had ever. I wish I knew this years ago. I'm slowly working at the chaos and unlike other times, not cycling through the same failures over and over again.

So, my advice you is to thank yourself for all you ARE doing and stop being so hard on yourself. Most of all, stop looking for the finish line because there isn't one. These issues will pass, hopefully with great resolutions and new issues will replace them. As hard as your issues have been--- and they are very, very hard, you will get through. You are strong and will find answers and maybe when you share here will help us even more than you already have. If I were you I would focus on how completely aware and how on top of your children's issues you are. Other parents do nothing or choose to be blissfully unaware. This difference is what makes you a great parent.

... and about the job? From my own experience I have never regretted quitting a fabulous job. Maybe someday I will find one just as great, but maybe not. It doesn't matter because I know it was the right choice for our family. Ask for a family leave (family and medical leave act 1993) for now to care for a family member. A clinical psychologist can help get that done. Plus, a lot of companies don't give families a hard time when you present an urgent medical crisis and shame on them if they do. You don't have to give specific details and can still work part time.

Well, good luck to you in whatever you choose. More hugs!




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Joined: September 4th, 2004, 1:08 am

June 9th, 2012, 10:48 pm #7

she's an ER nurse and just works weekends. She can spend all week with her kids. But that's stressing you out, so would it be worse? I know it would mean giving up the job you have now, and I remember how much you said you like it. I also don't know how hard it would be to change from dermatology to ER.

I'm really sorry about everything you have going on, Gail. I wish I knew something practical to suggest.

School nursing? Then your schedule would be the same as theirs, and you might even work in the same school.

Figure out how much you need to get by, and cut back to that. Make sure that any increased time away from work includes time for just you.

I'm glad the therapists are working out.

I think you're going to have to get out of the house for some down time. (((hugs)))




Keiki's Makuahine (Keiki's Mom) 51, dh 52
Keiki: b. 2002 after 3 months bedrest
Natural conception following ZIFT/chem. pg

Olivia: b. 1999 d. 1999
28-week preemie, ptl cause unknown
Natural conception after 1 mc

ttc since 1998
I really love dermatology and can't imagine ever doing anything else honestly. I remember interviewing for an Er position, too hard core for me. Thank you for the suggestions, I am doing a little better now, I was really freaking out.
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Joined: September 4th, 2004, 1:08 am

June 9th, 2012, 10:50 pm #8

Gail, If you feel you need to cut back at work right now, I think I would simply tell them that you are dealing with a long term illness with one of the kids that youre not ready to talk about, but need a few hours a week off (or whatever the time frame might be)

As for your DD, can you add low-cal additional snacks to her backpack that would fill her up and taste good? What about high fiber, high protein granola bars and a box of lowfat milk, a couple of cheese sticks and some high fiber crackers with alot of crunch like triscuits? Fiber One and Quaker both make some high protein granola bars that my boys love. They even have them in chocolate chip!!

I sincerely hope that you can find some peace very soon, Gail. This sounds very difficult.

Pink
She would love those granola bars, she just loves food. I have been adding an apple to her snack which is normally popcorn, pretzels, or granola bars and she seems more satisfied.
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Joined: September 4th, 2004, 1:08 am

June 9th, 2012, 10:53 pm #9

Has your dd been tested for diabetes? It's entirely possible if you want to give her the benefit of the doubt. If she is underweight or borderline and is constantly hungry, that is a sign of diabetes, pre-diabetes or borderline, so you may want to rule it out. It's possible to overlook it so I just thought I'd throw it out there. Dh's cousin is in healthcare and was stunned to find out that her 5 yr old dd had it and there was NO family history.

The theft issue is TOUGH. Not something you want your kid to be associated with but you know what? Better to find out NOW than later when it could be more constant or with bigger items.

I have no clue what to suggest but maybe she needs to redeem herself to her friends/teacher/school. Maybe an apology note to each child and a small "please forgive me token"? Maybe not the token but at least a personal note? Also, some kind of volunteer work talking to younger kids about why one should not steal? Put her in a position of "control" or "authority" where she can make something good come out of this but at the same time, feel a bit of discomfort and embarrassment over her actions. There MUST be a consequence which should act as a future deterrent. My heart goes out to you. That is such a difficult age.

For work - simply tell them it's a medical leave. Nothing more. You really don't need to explain further. You have to take care of you before you can take care of others. Kind of like the airplane theory. Give yourself oxygen first THEN your kids, etc. Take care of you first with no apologies to anyone else. It's the right thing to do.

Hugs.
Z.
I am seeing the pedi monday for the boys and I will ask him. But I doubt diabetes, she isn't underweight, she is borderline overweight and doesn't drink or pee in excess which are other signs. I am leaning towards anxiety and she is like me, turns to food for comfort. Her teacher is not a good match for her and I feel like she has really stressed her out this year. With work I was ready to talk to one of the physicians and instead she started venting about how stressed she is and ready to jump ship and how the schedules at work are so crazy and they can't do it anymore......what timing. So I didn't say anything and I am going to just try to suck it up and keep trudging forward. Next year has got to be better!
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Joined: September 4th, 2004, 1:08 am

June 9th, 2012, 11:08 pm #10

I am just so sorry that you are going through all of this stuff with your family.

I think that if you can cut back your hours over the summer, it might be a good thing. I am glad you found a therapist to work with you and your youngest son.

With your dd, well, the good thing is that it is almost summer break and kids will have some time to forget BUT I agree that she needs to face some consequences for stealing.

And honestly, at this age, if she is a bit overweight, I don't think I would worry about it. Can you help her find some kind of movement or sport that she enjoys? (Olympics are this summer so it is a fun time to try on different activities!) And someone pointed out making sure that she has had a full medical workup (although it sounds like you have done that) Try to have some healthy, easy food options available--but other than that, I would just leave it alone.

I wish I lived close to you so I could give you support in concrete ways, but please know that I am thinking about you and know that you are a good mom and your kids are going to be fine. I just wish this part was easier...
It really is surprising that she does have a weight issue, she is so active. She might be on the travel soccer team in the fall, she is a really great athlete, that will be very aggressive exercise for her. I try to just encourage healthy eating and have cut back on making desserts which I love to make. People, like my MIL, make comments on how heavy she looks, I hate that and don't want that for her. For work i decided to take a week off a month through the summer, hopefully that will be enough. Thank you for taking the time to write to me, I know you have a lot going on too.
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