Gail, how did yesterday go?

Gail, how did yesterday go?

Joined: January 19th, 2007, 7:18 pm

May 8th, 2012, 2:35 pm #1

I didn't weigh in below b/c I have no experience with these issues yet, but my heart broke for you & your ds. Please update us if you can. I hope things went well. Your poor little guy & poor mom. Your heart really does break into a million pieces.



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Joined: July 7th, 2009, 1:19 pm

May 8th, 2012, 4:26 pm #2

going okay and you have resolved the issue.

Hugs
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Joined: September 4th, 2004, 1:08 am

May 8th, 2012, 11:12 pm #3

I didn't weigh in below b/c I have no experience with these issues yet, but my heart broke for you & your ds. Please update us if you can. I hope things went well. Your poor little guy & poor mom. Your heart really does break into a million pieces.



The counselor spoke with DS alone, then his friend alone and then they all had lunch together to talk things over. The ex BFF said Noah told him he was going to hack his computer, not sure DS knows what that means but who knows. HIs friend also said someone told him that Noah called him a jerk, which DS's immediate reaction was "my parents taught me to not call people names, I would never call you that". It was made clear to his ex friend to stop sharing secrets that Noah shared with him, stop talking about him and stop taking friends away. He was told the next step is the principal and they are all scared of the principal. So DS came home in a really good mood yesterday but I just have a feeling this isn't over. Today the 4th grade had an ellis island simulation which I volunteered at, and supposedly the ex friend made fun of Noahs costume, WTF?? His friend didn't even have one on, errr. I told my DS how proud I am of him and how he is handling this so well, he really is such a good hearted kid. He is excited since he is going for two full days to the private school we looked at for him, he actually wants to switch there for next year and we are strongly considering it, much smaller class size and a fantastic fun education, we will see. Thanks for checking in, I truly hope this kid just leaves him alone for the rest of the year, only 5 weeks left.
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Joined: February 10th, 2009, 9:24 pm

May 9th, 2012, 3:34 am #4

and what a great idea to have the two kids have lunch with the counselor.

This other kid sounds troubled. Im glad your DS is going to have a break from it all with the visit to the private school!

Im sure youre counting down the days until this school year is behind you. Youre doing a great job handling all of this.

How is your son with the concussion?

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Joined: February 22nd, 2006, 4:05 am

May 9th, 2012, 3:53 pm #5

The counselor spoke with DS alone, then his friend alone and then they all had lunch together to talk things over. The ex BFF said Noah told him he was going to hack his computer, not sure DS knows what that means but who knows. HIs friend also said someone told him that Noah called him a jerk, which DS's immediate reaction was "my parents taught me to not call people names, I would never call you that". It was made clear to his ex friend to stop sharing secrets that Noah shared with him, stop talking about him and stop taking friends away. He was told the next step is the principal and they are all scared of the principal. So DS came home in a really good mood yesterday but I just have a feeling this isn't over. Today the 4th grade had an ellis island simulation which I volunteered at, and supposedly the ex friend made fun of Noahs costume, WTF?? His friend didn't even have one on, errr. I told my DS how proud I am of him and how he is handling this so well, he really is such a good hearted kid. He is excited since he is going for two full days to the private school we looked at for him, he actually wants to switch there for next year and we are strongly considering it, much smaller class size and a fantastic fun education, we will see. Thanks for checking in, I truly hope this kid just leaves him alone for the rest of the year, only 5 weeks left.
only after making an example of this situation of:

- how the people that you most care about can hurt you
- how people can be hurtful when they themselves are hurting
- how sometimes people just plain outgrow each other and have to move on and
- how fortunate he is that he can actually move away, no everyone can do that and therefore are forced to stay put and deal with things.

Hugs to you both.
Z.
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Joined: March 12th, 2008, 1:22 pm

May 9th, 2012, 5:01 pm #6

...but it does sound like the new school will be a better fit. Glad Noah is excited about it -- I hope you'll post the results of his visit!

Big, big hugs to all of you (how is your little guy?) -- and again, I agree with Z about including those points in your explanation about the switch.

xoxox,
k.
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Joined: January 19th, 2007, 7:18 pm

May 9th, 2012, 7:38 pm #7

The counselor spoke with DS alone, then his friend alone and then they all had lunch together to talk things over. The ex BFF said Noah told him he was going to hack his computer, not sure DS knows what that means but who knows. HIs friend also said someone told him that Noah called him a jerk, which DS's immediate reaction was "my parents taught me to not call people names, I would never call you that". It was made clear to his ex friend to stop sharing secrets that Noah shared with him, stop talking about him and stop taking friends away. He was told the next step is the principal and they are all scared of the principal. So DS came home in a really good mood yesterday but I just have a feeling this isn't over. Today the 4th grade had an ellis island simulation which I volunteered at, and supposedly the ex friend made fun of Noahs costume, WTF?? His friend didn't even have one on, errr. I told my DS how proud I am of him and how he is handling this so well, he really is such a good hearted kid. He is excited since he is going for two full days to the private school we looked at for him, he actually wants to switch there for next year and we are strongly considering it, much smaller class size and a fantastic fun education, we will see. Thanks for checking in, I truly hope this kid just leaves him alone for the rest of the year, only 5 weeks left.
the school officials finally woke up & took this seriously. The boy's home situation is very sad, but it's no excuse.

I hope the remaining weeks go smoothly for Noah. What a tough thing to face at such a young age.



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cy2
Joined: February 16th, 2006, 6:45 pm

May 9th, 2012, 8:25 pm #8

The counselor spoke with DS alone, then his friend alone and then they all had lunch together to talk things over. The ex BFF said Noah told him he was going to hack his computer, not sure DS knows what that means but who knows. HIs friend also said someone told him that Noah called him a jerk, which DS's immediate reaction was "my parents taught me to not call people names, I would never call you that". It was made clear to his ex friend to stop sharing secrets that Noah shared with him, stop talking about him and stop taking friends away. He was told the next step is the principal and they are all scared of the principal. So DS came home in a really good mood yesterday but I just have a feeling this isn't over. Today the 4th grade had an ellis island simulation which I volunteered at, and supposedly the ex friend made fun of Noahs costume, WTF?? His friend didn't even have one on, errr. I told my DS how proud I am of him and how he is handling this so well, he really is such a good hearted kid. He is excited since he is going for two full days to the private school we looked at for him, he actually wants to switch there for next year and we are strongly considering it, much smaller class size and a fantastic fun education, we will see. Thanks for checking in, I truly hope this kid just leaves him alone for the rest of the year, only 5 weeks left.
if you can move him for next year. Smaller class size makes a huge difference.

I wrote a longish response to you below, so I won't go one again here.

It sounds like the counselor is doing a good job with this problem, but if you can put him in a better overall environment with more interesting (to him) academic approaches, I'd do it.
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Joined: June 24th, 2005, 12:12 am

May 12th, 2012, 1:21 am #9

The counselor spoke with DS alone, then his friend alone and then they all had lunch together to talk things over. The ex BFF said Noah told him he was going to hack his computer, not sure DS knows what that means but who knows. HIs friend also said someone told him that Noah called him a jerk, which DS's immediate reaction was "my parents taught me to not call people names, I would never call you that". It was made clear to his ex friend to stop sharing secrets that Noah shared with him, stop talking about him and stop taking friends away. He was told the next step is the principal and they are all scared of the principal. So DS came home in a really good mood yesterday but I just have a feeling this isn't over. Today the 4th grade had an ellis island simulation which I volunteered at, and supposedly the ex friend made fun of Noahs costume, WTF?? His friend didn't even have one on, errr. I told my DS how proud I am of him and how he is handling this so well, he really is such a good hearted kid. He is excited since he is going for two full days to the private school we looked at for him, he actually wants to switch there for next year and we are strongly considering it, much smaller class size and a fantastic fun education, we will see. Thanks for checking in, I truly hope this kid just leaves him alone for the rest of the year, only 5 weeks left.
Not that you asked, but since others have brought up the possible transition, I thought I might chime in here with my school-person hat on on ways to approach talking about it with ds.

If I remember correctly, you were looking at the pvt school even before all this stuff with his friend, right? What were the reasons for that? If they were about his education, how he learns, where he'd be more excited by the academics, i'd keep the focus on those reasons rather than the social ones. Those are all active moves towards something good rather than moves away from something bad and keeps the focus of school on school.

Whether the switch is social or academic, kids and others can read the switch two ways:
1. I couldn't handle it so I had to leave (run away)
2. If something isn't right for me, I don't have to stay there. I have the strength and foresight and initiative to take care of myself and put myself in a better place.

Clearly, I think #2 is a better/healthier lens through which to process it with kids and for kids, in turn, to process it with peers when asked!

If he switches, kids will ask why. "Because my mom/I thought I'd like the way they teach there/here better" sure trumps "Because my friends started being mean to me"!

Really, I totally believe that he could negotiate the social thing with support from you and the school. I hope he can leave (if he leaves) totally believing this, too.





me:smc (single mom by choice)
FSH: 16
Dd: Conceived when I was 42 after 2 years ttc. Conceived on 6th IVF cycle after 2 bfn's and 3 m/cs.

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me:smc (single mom by choice)
FSH: 16
Dd: Conceived when I was 42 after 2 years ttc. Conceived on 6th IVF cycle after 2 bfn's and 3 m/cs.

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Joined: September 4th, 2004, 1:08 am

May 12th, 2012, 4:00 am #10

I have been contemplating private school for years really but this year is the first time DS became interested. He is very insightful of his needs, pretty amazing for a 10 y/o. He knows that this move is for his educational needs, but he did make a comment the other day that he hopes the kids there are nicer. You are right, I want this to be a positive move for him and I feel strongly that it will be. Thank you for your thoughts, sometimes I just don't think of things that you guys do, so I really do appreciate it.
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