Comment on the DS case below

Comment on the DS case below

Joined: November 14th, 2005, 10:59 pm

March 18th, 2012, 4:29 am #1

First I want to say that I am in no way angry at anyone or their opinions below. What I want to say has been bugging me since my DDs birth (who has down syndrome for anyone who doesn't know).

It pains and angers me to a level that is not communicable, to hear words like "if I had known she had DS I would have terminated". I'm sorry. It infuriates me. I had a good friend tell me when my DD was born that I was such a "great person" b/c she would have terminated if she knew her baby would have DS. Does anyone else not see how this is such a dumb and insensitive comment?

OK, let's rephrase it to "gee, if I knew my kid would be like yours I would have terminated". As if it is OK to look at my child and judge if she should be alive or not. I can't stand it.

I just had to get that off my chest, and I think that couple who sued are money grabbers. To me it is disgusting what they did. Sorry, that's just how I feel and I felt I had to get it off my chest.
Quote
Like
Share

Joined: April 16th, 2004, 9:20 pm

March 18th, 2012, 4:36 am #2

I was thinking about you when I read that post and I didn't reply as I felt it was too loaded! Although, I don't have a special needs child and probably, no truthfully, don't know what it's like, I'm on your side. It strikes me as odd, to say that the couple loves their daughter, but if they had known they would have terminated. Then trying to get money out of it is even stranger. It just doesn't add up, but then we are all entitled to our own feelings! You love your kids so much Willa and that's a beautiful thing! More power to you to stand up for DD!!

Quote
Like
Share

Joined: February 10th, 2009, 9:24 pm

March 18th, 2012, 5:17 pm #3

First I want to say that I am in no way angry at anyone or their opinions below. What I want to say has been bugging me since my DDs birth (who has down syndrome for anyone who doesn't know).

It pains and angers me to a level that is not communicable, to hear words like "if I had known she had DS I would have terminated". I'm sorry. It infuriates me. I had a good friend tell me when my DD was born that I was such a "great person" b/c she would have terminated if she knew her baby would have DS. Does anyone else not see how this is such a dumb and insensitive comment?

OK, let's rephrase it to "gee, if I knew my kid would be like yours I would have terminated". As if it is OK to look at my child and judge if she should be alive or not. I can't stand it.

I just had to get that off my chest, and I think that couple who sued are money grabbers. To me it is disgusting what they did. Sorry, that's just how I feel and I felt I had to get it off my chest.
and wanted you to take a look at this website:

http://www.aneladesigns.com/

This artist is selling quite well according to the newspaper article I read. I like her work very much.

Pink
Quote
Like
Share

Joined: February 16th, 2006, 1:10 am

March 18th, 2012, 5:35 pm #4

First I want to say that I am in no way angry at anyone or their opinions below. What I want to say has been bugging me since my DDs birth (who has down syndrome for anyone who doesn't know).

It pains and angers me to a level that is not communicable, to hear words like "if I had known she had DS I would have terminated". I'm sorry. It infuriates me. I had a good friend tell me when my DD was born that I was such a "great person" b/c she would have terminated if she knew her baby would have DS. Does anyone else not see how this is such a dumb and insensitive comment?

OK, let's rephrase it to "gee, if I knew my kid would be like yours I would have terminated". As if it is OK to look at my child and judge if she should be alive or not. I can't stand it.

I just had to get that off my chest, and I think that couple who sued are money grabbers. To me it is disgusting what they did. Sorry, that's just how I feel and I felt I had to get it off my chest.
I appreciate your opinion and your willingness to share it here despite the distress to you. I think it's important to have these discussions and your ability to share is so generous.

The premise of their lawsuit is really sad and I can't get my head around any parent having the ability to position their child that way. Some posters below made the point that maybe their words or intentions were distorted. I hope, but clearly they must have known what they were suggesting.

It's funny that people can't seem to realize that there are tons of issues a child can have and prejudging those things through tests is a very slippery slope. It seems as though parents are trying to control quality of life more than quality of the child's life. What if we isolate ways to pre-determine autism, depression, cancer, etc., etc., in a prenatal test and then anytime parenting prospects seem a little less than perfect, opt out of the pain. I guess it is tempting, but when do we accept life as imperfect? What if scientists thought they could isolate the gene for mean people, could there be more lawsuits? "Well, we tested to make sure he wasn't going to be a mean jerk and he is, so they must have been a bad test because we would have terminated him if we knew." Sorry for the sarcasm, it just seems like people are accepting these parents excuse because the issue is DS... that they speaking in terms of "wish you weren't born" and I can imagine how much that hurts you. We consider it abusive to say that to a child, so why are they allowed to say it in a lawsuit? You have a duty to make the best life for the child you are given and not lament about what they are not. Heck, I'd be willing to test for a crazy brat gene for my 3yo, but only because I'd like to know if his behavior is going to continue into adulthood so that I can prepare...and at some point take responsibility for my son's quality of life maybe???

Plus, I thought as a society we were getting past the old stigmas and inaccuracies about DS. This family really, I think, hurt this progress for the DS community. I wish, as I said below, they could have made their case about the importance of quality testing procedures... not termination due to DS. I guess this is what they believe, but if you are that unwilling to except challenges you really shouldn't become a parent. Most importantly you should NEVER suggest that any child has less than an equally important place in our lives...no matter what their challenges.

Honestly, I respect the choice to make these decisions and truly don't fault the people that make them. It's just that once you begin to parent a child in your heart and once a child is born, the "what if's" are over.
Sorry you had to have this hurt, but you are a very lucky woman to have DD.... Hoping for more thoughtful minds in her future.





Last edited by loggings on March 18th, 2012, 5:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Quote
Like
Share

Joined: March 4th, 2007, 9:16 pm

March 18th, 2012, 5:48 pm #5

First I want to say that I am in no way angry at anyone or their opinions below. What I want to say has been bugging me since my DDs birth (who has down syndrome for anyone who doesn't know).

It pains and angers me to a level that is not communicable, to hear words like "if I had known she had DS I would have terminated". I'm sorry. It infuriates me. I had a good friend tell me when my DD was born that I was such a "great person" b/c she would have terminated if she knew her baby would have DS. Does anyone else not see how this is such a dumb and insensitive comment?

OK, let's rephrase it to "gee, if I knew my kid would be like yours I would have terminated". As if it is OK to look at my child and judge if she should be alive or not. I can't stand it.

I just had to get that off my chest, and I think that couple who sued are money grabbers. To me it is disgusting what they did. Sorry, that's just how I feel and I felt I had to get it off my chest.
When I saw that thread I thought of you. And I thought of your delightful daughter. And I'm sorry that you are exposed to insensitive comments on a daily basis. It must make your momma-bear claws come out every time! Sending huge hugs.
Quote
Like
Share

Joined: November 8th, 2005, 3:01 pm

March 18th, 2012, 8:26 pm #6

I was thinking about you when I read that post and I didn't reply as I felt it was too loaded! Although, I don't have a special needs child and probably, no truthfully, don't know what it's like, I'm on your side. It strikes me as odd, to say that the couple loves their daughter, but if they had known they would have terminated. Then trying to get money out of it is even stranger. It just doesn't add up, but then we are all entitled to our own feelings! You love your kids so much Willa and that's a beautiful thing! More power to you to stand up for DD!!

I had conflicting thoughts about the report. Really, how would any of us feel if someone said that if their child was like mine, they would have chosen to terminate. No one's perfect ..... and what a boring world if we were all such perfect beings .... Sometimes friends say things in an attempt to help without having experience of the reality. I had just lost a pg at the time that a friend had a very preemie baby. At the hospital she said well you can look after mine whenever you want. Really .. not the most sensitive,compassionate comment, she meant no harm but duh !

I wonder if your friend wasn't sure what to say and in a ham handed attempt at positive support it came out so wrong.

I know that you will suffer ignorant comments, I wonder if there is a comeback that isnot negative or aggressive but shoots the point home at how offensive the comment was.

Regarding the court case, seemed off to me, but I like to hope they did it to improve hospital protocols and diagnositic standards.

Hugs .... we all know how gorgeous and smart your wee gal is .... shout and swear here whenever you like ...... I like to feel that the women on this board, while having their own strong opinions, don't judge ..
V xx
Last edited by FishDr on March 18th, 2012, 8:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Quote
Like
Share

Joined: September 4th, 2004, 1:08 am

March 19th, 2012, 1:32 am #7

First I want to say that I am in no way angry at anyone or their opinions below. What I want to say has been bugging me since my DDs birth (who has down syndrome for anyone who doesn't know).

It pains and angers me to a level that is not communicable, to hear words like "if I had known she had DS I would have terminated". I'm sorry. It infuriates me. I had a good friend tell me when my DD was born that I was such a "great person" b/c she would have terminated if she knew her baby would have DS. Does anyone else not see how this is such a dumb and insensitive comment?

OK, let's rephrase it to "gee, if I knew my kid would be like yours I would have terminated". As if it is OK to look at my child and judge if she should be alive or not. I can't stand it.

I just had to get that off my chest, and I think that couple who sued are money grabbers. To me it is disgusting what they did. Sorry, that's just how I feel and I felt I had to get it off my chest.
I couldn't agree with you more. You have every right to be offended and to feel protective of your DD with stupid comments like that. Sorry you have to deal with insensitive people.
Quote
Like
Share

Joined: August 21st, 2006, 3:29 pm

March 19th, 2012, 1:36 am #8

First I want to say that I am in no way angry at anyone or their opinions below. What I want to say has been bugging me since my DDs birth (who has down syndrome for anyone who doesn't know).

It pains and angers me to a level that is not communicable, to hear words like "if I had known she had DS I would have terminated". I'm sorry. It infuriates me. I had a good friend tell me when my DD was born that I was such a "great person" b/c she would have terminated if she knew her baby would have DS. Does anyone else not see how this is such a dumb and insensitive comment?

OK, let's rephrase it to "gee, if I knew my kid would be like yours I would have terminated". As if it is OK to look at my child and judge if she should be alive or not. I can't stand it.

I just had to get that off my chest, and I think that couple who sued are money grabbers. To me it is disgusting what they did. Sorry, that's just how I feel and I felt I had to get it off my chest.
Willa,

I absolutely get it, and I'm so sorry you have to deal with this -- over and over, it sounds like. If I try, I can come up with a scenario where when someone says to you how brave you are they are implying that they mean, "... and I now realize how stupid the decision I would have made would have been after seeing your DD and knowing how wonderful she is." But honestly, knowing how dreadful some people can be, I don't really imagine that is necessarily what they all mean and I agree, it is terrible for them to say that.

Thanks for sharing. I too thought of you and your DD (as well, of course, as of the poor child in that case) when I saw the news.

Best wishes,
Alex
Quote
Like
Share

Joined: November 14th, 2005, 10:59 pm

March 19th, 2012, 5:02 am #9

First I want to say that I am in no way angry at anyone or their opinions below. What I want to say has been bugging me since my DDs birth (who has down syndrome for anyone who doesn't know).

It pains and angers me to a level that is not communicable, to hear words like "if I had known she had DS I would have terminated". I'm sorry. It infuriates me. I had a good friend tell me when my DD was born that I was such a "great person" b/c she would have terminated if she knew her baby would have DS. Does anyone else not see how this is such a dumb and insensitive comment?

OK, let's rephrase it to "gee, if I knew my kid would be like yours I would have terminated". As if it is OK to look at my child and judge if she should be alive or not. I can't stand it.

I just had to get that off my chest, and I think that couple who sued are money grabbers. To me it is disgusting what they did. Sorry, that's just how I feel and I felt I had to get it off my chest.
I was actually regreting that I wrote this last night but then to log on and read all of your comments it lightened my heart! I thank you so much. I was was wondering that since they claimed they wanted the $$ to care for their DD, then is it in a trust fund for her? Or are they spending it? I bet I can guess. I think I could spit on them if I ran into them. Sorry.

I had another guy say to me at my new job how much his wife, who is a teacher, cannot stand this "stupid inclusion concept they are making her do at school". I asked what he meant and he said the retarded kids don't belong in there, they yell out "F--- you" and disrupt the class. I said well, I think that there should be inclusion, but I also think that the kids should not be allowed to disrupt the class and yell profanities. Granted he did not know I have a DD with DS. But a few months later he saw me at the company picnic with them and was mortally embarrassed; hasn't said more than two words to me since.

Thanks so much everyone for being there for me even when I haven't been able to be here for you lately (just so so busy).

Pink; that Ds girl is beautiful! I hope my DD is that pretty! I love the site. I might buy some art.
Quote
Like
Share

Joined: February 10th, 2009, 9:24 pm

March 19th, 2012, 5:20 am #10

and she is already that pretty!!

Glad you liked the site. I too like her art.

Pink
Quote
Like
Share